A divorce is one of the most traumatic experiences you can go through. Even if it was your idea to end your relationship you will still find yourself going through a rollercoaster of emotions before you come out the other side. This can be especially difficult if you have children together as the chances are you will always be linked to your ex-partner whether you like it or not. Millions of Americans get divorced every year and come out the other side stronger and happier. This may not be easy but with guidance, you too can stay positive when going through a divorce.
Focus on What You Want
Focus on where you want to be at the end of the process. It may be that you have wanted to get divorced for a long time but held yourself back, it may be that this has come as a total shock to you, and you did not want to find yourself in this situation at all. Whatever your circumstances, it can be difficult to see the wood for the trees while you are going through the divorce process, and this makes it hard to stay positive. Think about where you want to be in a year or five years from now rather than getting involved in the everyday trauma of divorce.
Be Kind to Yourself
Give yourself the gift of time and space. Nobody is expecting you to get over your marriage in a matter of days and you shouldn’t give yourself a hard time either. When you think about it, divorce is a grief process and it takes time and distance to come out the other side. It may not be plain sailing all the time but taking some time for yourself when you need it is important if you want to stay positive throughout the process. Treat yourself to a glass of wine or a hot bath and don’t be angry that getting over your ex is not going to be an instant process.
Take a Step Back
If you and your ex-partner still can’t look at each other without arguing, then don’t try to. This will only cause anger and resentment, and this won’t help your positive mindset. You are paying your lawyers to manage the communication so let them do their job and don’t get caught up in every single argument. If you have children together then think about whether someone else can help you with the access arrangements. If it is easier to drop the kids off at a mutual friend’s house, then try doing that for a while until the dust settles. If you still need to plan expenses that relate to co-parenting, then use an app, such as Ensemble to plan and manage your finances and track your spending and then pass it on to your lawyers.
Ensemble has a useful blog post on the positive effects of divorce which will help to highlight that you don’t need to get caught up in anger and arguments anymore. Embrace the positive effects of divorce by taking a step back, which is where using the app can help.
Use Your Support Network
Your friends and family are a great bunch of people to unload on and they will listen to you and give advice as best they can. Don’t be afraid to talk to them, not just about your ex but about your feelings and emotions too. These are the people who know you better than anyone and they can help to put you back together and make you feel more positive while you are going through your divorce.
If you feel you need some impartial advice or want to speak to someone who is going through the same things you are at the same time, then there are plenty of support groups around who can help you. Don’t be afraid to reach out, either online or in-person as suffering in silence can make you feel ill. People who have been through the same issues will know where you are coming from and will help to keep you positive.
A professional person such as a counselor can help you through your divorce and give you help and support when you need it. Once you are feeling stronger, a life coach could be instrumental in helping you to rebuild your life and give you back any positivity you have been lacking.
Prioritize Your Health
When you are going through a crisis such as a divorce your health can go out of the window, and this can make you feel even worse. If you have been suffering a lot of sleepless nights and living on coffee and snickers to get through the day while you sit at work or mope in front of the TV, then a restructure of your habits could make you feel a lot more positive. Ditch the junk food in favor of fruit and vegetables and you will find that your energy levels rise, and you will naturally start to feel more positive. Use this renewed energy to join a gym, go for a run, or practice yoga and you will find that the endorphins that kick in as you work out will help to lift your mood even further.
Start a New Routine
Allowing yourself to remain stuck in the past won’t help you to stay positive. You need to look forward. Rather than doing the things you always did with your partner because you always did them this way, set out on a journey of self-discovery. Plan new activities that you have always wanted to try but didn’t because your partner wouldn’t enjoy them. Re-learn how you like to do things and set your own routines. This will make you feel more positive as you will be focusing on doing things for yourself and looking ahead rather than dwelling on the past and it will help you to put some metaphorical distance between you and your ex-partner too.
Follow this guide to help you stay positive during your divorce and afterward too. You will come out the other side; you just need to give yourself time, patience, and understanding.